Well, we didn't really celebrate Valentine's Day this year. Come to think of it, we didn't really celebrate it last year, either. No gifts, no romantic dinner. It's not that we're anti-holiday or anti-romance. Granted, having a 7 month old definitely makes it harder to find time for that sort of thing, but this year, we just couldn't get our act together and make any plans. I think a big part of it is that this time of year holds so many memories for us. Henry had his second surgery on Valentine's Day 2 years ago. Little did we know it was the last time we would see him unsedated and not hooked up to life support. We went into that surgery with such a feeling of peace. We truly believed in our hearts that this surgery was going to make everything right. I remember when we first got the diagnosis, our goal was to have him home by Valentine's Day. Then the next thing we knew, we were decorating his hospital room with Valentine's....hearts everywhere, even homemade Valentine's from children we had never met. I remember writing on one valentine we hung on his door "I am beautifully and wonderfully made!" There are so many memories for us that just supercede any romantic feelings or inklings. And that's ok. I wouldn't give up those memories for anything. While some of the memories are painful, I will forever cherish Valentine's Day as the last time I held my son while he was still alive. I am so grateful to the nurses that they allowed me to do that...even while he was intubated and had so many lines, they still allowed me to lean over his bed and somewhat cradle him in my arms. It certainly wasn't the way I wanted to hold him-I would have loved to have held him up to my chest, cheek to cheek-but it was still a chance to feel the weight of his body in my arms. I can't think of a better Valentine's gift....I'll take that over flowers anyday.
Missing you so much, my precious Henry...
1 comment:
We miss you too, Henry!
Post a Comment